sometimes 'cheer up' just doesn't cut it

February. Get ink, shed tears.
Write of it, sob your heart out, sing,
While torrential slush that roars
Burns in the blackness of the spring.

-Boris Pasternak

not the most encouraging of poems but it does feed my self-indulgence.
heehee.
OMG i just realized. how apt--its february this month too!

its funny how self-doubt slowly creeps in then permeating, and filling your whole person.
you might laugh it off at first, joining in with the others
then maybe your posture changes, from the self-consciousnes you adopt a hunch
by then you start to question if you were ever good enough
and maybe you just learn to give up

sometimes i can't make it alone

i've always been good at faking normalcy, what's different this time?

OMT. i was looking through this really old blog of mine and was utterly appalled and embarrassed by the way the 13 year old me used to type. stuff like 'mi', 'kewl', 'realli', 'haf' and the list of crimes goes on. ugh. shudders.

I AM DISGUSTED BY MYSELF.

and heh, i'm supposed to be doing something productive aka something that contributes to the positive increment in my CAP.

anddd i probably don't say this enough, but i LOVE my bffs ((:

dear xray machine pretend you don't know me so well

music: plane-jason mraz
mood: boredoutofmyfreakingmind

there's a billion other things i should be doing right now, and all related to school but--

from some time ago:
sometimes i wish i could just lose myself in a crowd,
become just another nameless, blurred face.
sometimes i wish i could just forget myself.

andddddd i realise, i don't know anything anymore! bleh second guessing should be a cardinal sin and maybe then i'd do it less.